Making New Friends

Epicurus said, "Of all the things that wisdom provides for living one's entire life in happiness, the greatest by far is the possession of friendship."

I read that quote in the book I just finished, The Happiness Project. (Go ahead, read it, it's great.)
The author, Gretchen Rubin, spent a year researching her own happiness and seeking to improve it by keeping monthly resolutions...sort of down the same alley as my current project.
I like what she had to say about staying connected with people:
"Not only does having strong relationships make it far more likely that you take joy in life, but studies show that it also lengthens life (incredibly, even more than stopping smoking), boosts immunity, and cuts the risk of depression. To keep lonliness at bay, you need at least one close relationship with someone in whom you can confide (not just a pal with whom you talk about impersonal subjects...); you also need a relationship network, which helps provide a sense of identity and self-esteem and in which you can give and receive support" (pg 142).

So step two for bringing about more connections in my life: Make new friends.
This is tough for me, but I've been a good sport about it for the last little while. Things I've done to make new friends this year, that I wouldn't have done without the resolution to do so:
1. When I meet people at church, I ask for their phone number and suggest we do something sometime.
2. When those people asked me out to pizza, a church dance, a movie...I actually went.
3. At said event, when other people mentioned they were going to be doing a service project on Saturday, or heading to a baseball game next, or meeting up that week for a BBQ, I just went ahead and invited myself. "I'd love to come, where is it?" I said. And then I showed up. This is also how I ended up seeing The Avengers on a Saturday morning with four marines I'd met the night before.
4. I even went to a singles' conference an hour drive away
5. And on my way home from the conference, I went to play Capture the Flag on UNC campus, even though running around at night is totally not my thing (I want to like to do this, because it sounds fun and sporty, but I just don't.)

And, yet, I still spent many nights at home, reading....

"What's wrong with me? I'm a nice girl, and I'm putting myself out there," I pouted to my dad.
"Well, making new friends takes time. All the times you're going out and meeting people is great, and the more you do that, you'll eventually start being around the same people often enough that they become closer friends," he told me.
Turns out, he was right.

Last week after church, I jumped into yet another, "Hey, my name is Jessica? We haven't met before. What do you do?" conversations with the person next to me. Her name was Brittani. Turns out, we kindred spirits. Ann and Brittani and I struck up a conversation about some common interests (writing, music and food). As we talked, we agreed that we would be very good friends and should make plans. Well, I was going to be in Denver all week, plans would have to wait until I came back.

But during the week, I texted both of them (haha, this sounds like an intense dating-advice play-by-play column).
On Saturday, I ran into Britt, another girl I had met at church, at the mall, and said hello (normally, I may have just walked the other way...I know, I am ridiculous with my avoid-people-antics).

That led to me talking with Britt again at church the next day, which led to a group of us all hanging out.

Ann was there, too, so we sat around talking and catching up, because that's what friends do. Ann mentioned she wants to go to the Alfred Hitchcock film festival this week. I would love to go, too! And could we meet up to get frozen yogurt afterward, Krista wanted to know.
Making friends leads to having more and more friends.

I was already pretty stinkin' happy about the way this make-friends-ball was finally starting to roll when Jenny, a girl I had totally admired and tried to get to know more, came up to me and said, "Jessica, I want to be your friend. I'm just going to put that out there. Can I have your number?"
Elizabeth, who was sitting next to us during the class, said, "Me, too." After she got my number, she invited me to dinner with some guys in the ward I didn't know.
So, now even more friends leading to dinners where we can make more friends.
Bam. I'm getting better at this as we go!

I will keep you updated with some of the esapades I embark upon with all of these new friends. Sadly, I am leaving North Carolina in two weeks. Gladly, I'll be back in the Fall, so we can pick up where we left off and take things to the next (friend) level, if that's a thing.

Tips for making friends when you're the new kid:
1. Like yourself and assume people would want to be your friend. Smile a lot.
2. Remember that other people are just as awkward and shy about making new friends, too. Someone has to be the one to invite the other person to do something, and if they've already got their group of regular friends, they're not going to think to call you up unless they're aware that you're available to join.
3. Invite people to do things with you. More often than not they'll say, "Oh, actually some of us are getting together to see a movie tonight. Do you want to come to that?"
4. Find ways to start a mid-week conversation. Sometimes, I'll send a text that says, "Hey, I hope you have fun at that _________ you have going on tonight!" It's short, it's simple, it shows the person you were thinking of them. (If you're like me, you're scoffing, "I can't send a random message to someone I don't even know. They'd think it was weird." Wrong. They think you like them, and people like people who like them. If they don't want a new friend as cool as you, then you really don't want to be friends with them, either.)