Connect with People

Chad, Troy and me out to dinner after work one day; just say Yes! when you have an opportunity to connect with people^^

It is not good for man to be alone, I know.

And yet, I have a tendency to go to movies, eat at restaraunts, read in Barnes & Noble by myself. I like relishing  fun outings in my own company....

...and, oh yeah, I get nervous making new friends or inviting people I know to come along.

For a friendly, outgoing person, I am super silly about asking people to do things.

I always think, "I can't just invite someone to do something! What would we do??"

As part of my Be The Best Version of Myself project, I wanted to connect with people.

That meant three things:

1. Reconnecting with people to strengthn relationships with current friends and family

2. Making new friends

3. Being present and kind to strangers

Why make an effort to connect with the people in my life?

Reading the latest issue of one of my favorite magazines, Success, I came across this little gem while flying to Denver this week: "Social connection is the key to happiness, all the experts agree. In fact, meta-analyses of happiness studies show that, above all, the quantity and quality of our personal relationships with friends, family and acquaintances determine our spirits. People who have healthy bonds--and enjoy frequent quality time--with family and friends are much likelier to be happy...It follows, then, that if you want to be happier, you've got to nuture your social relationships."

After I read that, I opened up the contact list in my phone and texted a personal message to every person with whom I wanted to have a closer relationship, but for whatever reason--I was too busy, living in another state, I was shy and thought they might not want to be close friends--I hadn't recently contacted.

I had excellent responses, and some really great conversations sparked by those messages. It reaffirmed an idea that I had been trying to convince myself was true: people like you.

Does anyone else assume that they have to win people over, that for whatever reason people probably won't like you unless you try really, really hard?

I don't know why I feel like that, but I've realized it isn't true;

people do like me, genuinely.

I've just got to reach out and be friendly and they'll respond.

I also called several people just to catch up and left messages if they didn't answer.

A few of them returned my phone calls, including a professor from college and an old roommate.

Our talks made my day feel special, I had more energy, and I felt excited....all because I had connected with people I cared about--but I wouldn't normally speak with unless I ran into them somehow.

Since that day I've made it sort of a rule of thumb to send a quick message to anyone who might pop into my head. This resolve has resulted in a lot more phone calls with my youngest brother, texting my step-mother, and I sent cards to some other family members. Reaching out, no excuses, has brought me closer to even the people I was already closest with.

I took this challenge a step further.

My freshman roommate Holly lives in South Carolina with her husband and two children. I just moved to North Carolina...we were living closer than we had in years and yet, I hadn't even called her to tell her.

I called her one day and asked her if I could come visit for the night. It was a long drive, but if I could stay the night at her house, I'd be able to come for the afternoon and then leave the next morning for work.

At first, I almost didn't follow through with the idea. What if she didn't have time for my visit and I made her feel obligated? What would we talk about after all these years? We've only had the occasional phone conversation, would we still have fun together? Am I imposing upon her time with her kids and her husband?

Real talk: people like being remembered and imposition is often overly exaggerated in my mind. I bought her daughter a toy and drove down.

Holly and me just before her wedding about five years ago.

She was delighted to have me visit. I got to play with both of her kids, we went out to dinner, her husband blew up the air mattress for me, and we laughed and talked with ease. It was great. Plus, we've spoken much more frequently since then. Friendship: strengthened.

I had such a great experience with Holly, I decided to take the time to try to reconnect with my friend Barb when I would be working in Colorado this last week. We performed in the same summer stock theatre in 2005, but I hadn't really seen her since then.

I left her a Facebook message and was disappointed when she told me that she no longer lived in Colorado, she had moved to Oregon.

But wait for it....she happened to be visiting her family in Colorado the very week I would be there for work. And what's more, she would be visiting because her brother was coming home from his mission in Pusan, Korea, the very same mission I served in 2 years ago. How great would it be to talk to him about the mission??

Barb, far left, and me, far right, as dancing courtesans many, many years ago.

I had a lovely time.

She made dinner, I met her family, her two kids (do all my old friends have two kids now??), we played with yo-yos out on the lawn. We snuck outside in the dark after dinner with her aunt to eat cake-pops; we were hiding from the kids because there weren't enough left to share. As we sat on the stoop chewing chocolate cake, laughing, and trying to be quiet simultaneously, I thought, "I am so glad I didn't miss this. This is great."

And Barb actually surprised me; she told me that she had always wanted to be closer friends with me but had had many of the same mental roadblocks I encountered when I thought about reaching out to people.

We had a great conversation that went deep into the night, and we promised to be in touch more often.

It enriched the entire trip.