Springtime at the Temple

We drove to D.C. yesterday to visit the temple. We had a wonderful time being in the temple together, and the day was absolutely gorgeous. The temple grounds were abloom with tulips, cherry blossoms, and vivid color.

I love this shot. We went for a walk in the flowery trees and I took this from a hill near the visitor's center. I wish we could have stayed all day, it was lovely!

A Lovely Easter

I had such a lovely Easter this weekend. Thanks to a popular LDS video, many of my friends have been posting #BecauseofHim thoughts and pictures in their social media feeds--I had the chance to read the testimonies and the blessings of my friends from all around the world throughout the weekend. It made the holiday seem truly recognized, as we united in our celebration of the Lord's Atonement and His sacrifice for us.

I was also given the wonderful opportunity to sing during sacrament meeting service at church on Easter Sunday. Our ward music director asked me to sing a favorite song of hers, O Divine Redeemer, by Charles Gounod. The lyrics describe a plea to the Savior for redemption, pardon, and help. Preparing this song helped me renew my gratitude for the Lord, and I felt myself grow closer to Him as I studied the message and sang my testimony. Here is the beautiful rendition by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir:

After church, we made dinner for some friends for the ward. Last year at this time, Nick and I weren't quite engaged, yet and we made the same prime rib roast dinner for some church friends on Easter Sunday together. So I guess now it's a tradition! It makes for a very special, fresh dinner--and it is so easy to make! I will have to make a post about that meal....

Happy Easter!

Because of Him

Have you seen this, yet? The powerful music, the beautiful images, and the poignant, simple words combine to deliver the message of the Good News of the Gospel: Because of Jesus Christ we can live again! We can create goodness and love fully now! Because of the Savior, I know that I can be with my wonderful husband forever, and enjoy never-ending happiness. Because of Christ's Atonement, I can overcome my mistakes, learn to be like Him, and grow to understand God's love.
This video has been an inspiring part of my Holy Week. I'm in Ottawa for work, and I have plenty of time between shows to hang out at my hotel. Instead of reading or surfing the web, I've made it a priority to study the Book of Mormon and some of the General Conference messages from the latest session. It has helped me be much more aware of the Spirit and sensitive to promptings to ponder the Savior and His example. I am so grateful to recognize that I was receiving this blessing of the Holy Ghost whispering to my soul and reminding me to think about Jesus. It has increased my awareness of my many other blessings and filled my heart with gratitude. It has made the anticipation of Easter Sunday sweet and meaningful, as I look forward to celebrating the accomplishment of the Lord's Atonement, which makes my life possible, meaningful, and purposeful.
I hope this video brings the Spirit into your week. I hope that you feel the love of the Savior and our Heavenly Father during this special time of the year! All good things are because of Him!

How to make scripture mastery fun! And a recipe...

Exactly two girls regularly show up to seminary. They are intelligent, bright, sweet, sometimes sassy students and we have a wonderful time talking about the Book of Mormon together. However, only two students with the possibility of a few more popping in occasionally made teaching scripture mastery a challenge at the beginning. I grew up in Utah and had release time seminary; there were thirty kids in my seminary class. We played games that involved lots of people to help us memorize our scriptures.
I want to share a few things we have been doing, with a small group, that the girls really enjoy. I hope they help anyone who needs ideas, as well!
1. Scripture Chase--even if it's just the two of them, they are really competitive and love scripture chasing. Often, we end up having my husband, the students' mom, or my sweet newly-called assistant teacher participate, as well. I call out references, the subject line of the scripture from the SM bookmark, or start reading the verse. Once they've identified it, they race to open their own books and whoever can read the entire passage first gets the point.
2. Memory Game--this is really helpful to learn references and scripture topics and can be played with 2 players and up. I write the references on small cards and then portions of each passage on other cards, turn them all upside down on the table, and we go around flipping them over trying to make matches. If they're not familiar with the scripture and don't know if it is a match, I have them look up the reference and check. This is a great way for them to start learning where the scriptures are and what each SM reference is about.

3. Scrambled in an Envelope--I love this one. Once we've worked on a verse on the board (erasing words one at a time to memorize), I'll play this game to help push us over to a more memorized position on that scripture. I write out the scripture, and then cut out each word, and then put all the words mixed up inside an envelope. I make two envelopes. This morning, we had two teams: my husband and Sianneh worked on one envelope while my assistant teacher Munah and Siawale worked on the other one. They race against each other to see who can put the words in the correct order first, without using their scriptures. Once a team has completed assembling the scripture, the other team takes their scriptures and checks their work. This is highly effective; everyone had the scripture memorized by the end of the activity.

4. Treats--I don't ever say, "And whoever gets the most points, wins....a PRIZE!!" I feel like they wouldn't buy into the incentive to play and also don't consider a treat a prize. However, I am pleasantly surprised that simply getting points and winning really satisfies them. They are good sports and like to play games. So, treats make it sort of fun and special without being a reward. This morning, I made these adorable rice crispy treats that look like gold plates. I didn't have any left by the end of class; they loved them. (Which made me very happy because last week I made pumpkin spice bars and they didn't touch them, not even to try the taste! I think they were put off by the fact that I would put pumpkin in something meant to eat. That's fine, I ate them all myself.)

Do you want to make these cute treats?? They are super simple. I made the classic Rice Krispy Treats recipe. For those of you who aren't familiar:

3 TB butter, melted slowly in a large saucepan

Add a bag of big marshmallows, about 40 marshmallows

Once all the marshmallows are melted, stir in 6 cups of rice crispy cereal.

Spread it out in a greased 9x13 dish, allow it to cool completely before cutting. 

Once the treats are cooled, I made a chocolate icing:

1 TB cocoa powder

(almost) 1 TB water

1/2 TB oil

1/2 TB corn syrup

1/2 Cup powdered sugar

I cooked and stirred that mixture on the stovetop until my icing was smooth. I sort of add more or less water depending on the consistency I want. 

I let the icing cool, then spooned it into the corner of a small plastic sandwich baggie. The icing shouldn't be runny; if it is, put your bag in the fridge to let it cool down more. Then, I cut the tip of the corner off the bag, and squeezed the frosting out in three lines on one side of each rice crispy rectangle. Making a bit of a dot of frosting on the top before taking it over the edge of the treat made the frosting stick better, giving it an anchor. Also, the dot kind of made it look more like the binding rings for the gold plates. 

And, Voila! You have the cutest treats in the world. Stick them in the fridge, covered with plastic wrap, overnight. And then let them sit for about at least hour before you serve to your class.  Have fun!!

To be obedient

I am touched by other people's testimonies and their dedication to sharing what they're learning. I stumbled upon a blog called Inspiration today, and wanted to pass it along. She takes simple lines of scripture and personalizes them. I've been thinking about the phrase, "to be obedient" since reading her post about Nephi's willingness to make a second record of his people, even if he didn't understand why it was important.

Sometimes I don't see the logic or importance behind a principle. For example, why should I sit through an hour of relief society when I can't understand what the teacher is saying and my husband is starving and wants to go home and make lunch? Well, I can actually think of several reasons to do it, such as being an example, supporting the other sisters in their callings, and sharing my testimony. But really, if nothing else, I should do it simply to be obedient. Like Jesus. Jesus always obeyed the Father, and gave us the perfect example of obedience. I may not know what purpose the Lord has for me attending relief society in this ward. He may have plans for my own benefit or other people's benefit down the road, that require me to be attending and getting to know the members. So this next Sunday, I am going to think of Nephi's example and be obedient. 

I can see other areas, as well, where my obedience should eliminate complaining and hesitancy. As I have been identifying them, I have also been reassured by this thought: I trust Heavenly Father and I know that He directs and instructs me for my own good, so that I might become like him through daily, small choices of my own agency. His commandments are a blessing and a help, and an indispensable guide. So, the next time I do something simply to be obedient, I will also be comforted by the knowledge that I'm taking a step toward the fulfillment of my creation.

If you plan it, they will come...won't they?

After a great first day of seminary, I was looking forward to day number two. I even told the alternate teacher that I would teach again, so that she only had to teach two days this week. Monday evening, I had rehearsal for A View From the Bridge, so I was home late. Thus, Tuesday morning, I woke up at 4 a.m., planned a fabulous lesson about how to study the scriptures, and rushed to the grimy community center our ward is renting for seminary class.
I dashed from my car, unlocked the door quickly, and slipped inside to get off the dark street. I flipped the light switches by the door; nothing. I set my bag down and used the light of my phone to scan the walls for another light switch; nothing. I started reaching up on my tip toes, shining the light along the old brick walls. I found a smelly kitchen and turned the lights on in that room, but ten minutes later my search for the main room's lights was still fruitless. I prayed. I searched. I prayed aloud. I wondered when students would show up; my phone showed about 6:10. Okay, no big deal, everyone is ten minutes late. It's the second day, it's fine. At least when Sister Zizer shows up, she'll know where the light switch is.
I sat down at the table and positioned myself to face the open door, where light from the street lamp outside weakly hovered, not quite illuminating anything but giving an idea of orientation by creating shadows. I spent a few minutes browsing Instagram, then checked the time: 6:28. I felt my throat tighten and could sense a self-pity creeping into my thoughts. I prayed for patience and then told myself, "You will be blessed for being here whether anyone comes or not. Do not get angry or make this about you, something good can still come of this."
I felt that half an hour was plenty of time to wait. I decided to call Sister Zizer, let her know I was leaving, ask her where the heck she was, the phone was ringing, it went to her voicemail--
And a car pulled up outside. I would have missed them had I left five minutes earlier. It was Sister Victoria and her two twin daughters, Sianneh and Siawale.
"Sorry we're late," they apologized, explaining that their alarm clock hadn't woken them that morning.
Between the four of us, we still couldn't find the light switch. So we dragged some chairs into the kitchen and had a short 20 minute lesson, accompanied by a lonesome, bothersome kitchen fly. I didn't expect them to be so willing when I suggested it, but Siawale joined in, "Hey, y'all don't mind meetin' in the kitchen, huh?"
The girls surprised me with insightful answers to my questions and full participation during the short lesson. At one point, I asked them if they had written anything in the scripture journals I had given them the day before.
Siawale, again, spoke first. She mentioned reading  the beginning of the Book of Mormon. "I thought about Nephi believing his father's visions and I thought that was so amazing," she shared. "I don't think I could have done that if our dad started talking about visions I would have said, 'You crazy, Dad.'"
I was grateful for their participation and for sharing their thoughts so willingly.
That day, I couldn't contact the other teacher, Sister Zizer, so I went ahead and prepared the next day's lesson, as well.
Wednesday morning, the twins and Sister Victoria beat me to the building. "Good morning!" I greeted them.
No one else came. It was just the four of us.
Sianneh gave the opening devotional. She had read about the vision of the Tree of Life and gave us this thought: "Even if we make it all the way to the tree, we can still fall away if we pay attention to the people in the world. We can't ever let go of the iron rod. Which means, if we focus on Jesus Christ and always have God and Jesus to be with us, we won't fall away. It's up to us." BAM. These girls knew way more than I had expected, based upon the other students I had previously met with at the church.
Their mom, Victoria, participated, as well. She commented about our personal responsibility to learn the gospel, and way others might make it seem unimportant, "Yesterday, I told these girls. On the first day, you have ten people show up, then on the second day, you're the only ones there. That doesn't mean you won't still get the blessings and the things you need by being there."
The rest of the week--Wednesday, Thursday, Friday--only the girls and their mother came. We had wonderful discussions and got to know each other well. On Friday, Nick came with me and we all ate German pancakes during the lesson about obedience. Sister Victoria shared her conversion story: she had been searching for the right church for 14 years before she fasted from 6 am to 6 pm every day for a month, in a desperate plea to God. Toward the end of the month, a friend called her and invited her to come to the LDS meetings that Sunday. She described feeling the Spirit, "It was a like a little child who has been away from home for a long long time," she said in her African accent. "And it was as if I had finally come home, that I was welcomed home at last."
 I have been incredibly touched by the power of this mother. Not only has her faith, patience and humility led her to the Gospel, she has dutifully learned it, learned it well and accurately, and then taught it to her children with consistency. She brings them to seminary and sits with them, participating and sharing on an equal level, before driving them to school and then going to work. She shows them what she believes, and lives it, and expects them to do what is right. AND IT WORKS. These girls not only know doctrines and principles that other students in the ward don't understand, they also understand why they are important.
Today, Sister Victoria sang "How Great Thou Art," a capella, in sacrament meeting. It was supposed to be a duet, but the other sister never showed up to church. She was nervous, humble, and beautiful.
I am certain this experience as a seminary teacher will teach me and bless me this year, in ways I can't imagine. But already, I have learned a great lesson about the power of parents. The best way to teach ethics, doctrine, truth, and Christlike attributes is to live it and learn it with your children. I hope I can be like this sweet convert mother and teach my children just as well.

Early morning seminary

When we moved to Philadelphia, we prayed frequently that we would be guided to an area where we could serve the Lord as instruments in building the Kingdom of God. We felt that we ended up in the right place. And last Sunday, I was called to be the early morning seminary teacher. Whew! What? First of all, that's a lot of time. And it means sacrificing our morning ritual of cuddling, packing Nick's lunch, and kissing goodbye every day. But I feel prepared and upon reflection maybe I should have seen it coming. To be honest, I was very excited. I love teaching. I love the gospel. I love having a project. Seminary fits the bill nicely. My only apprehension came from the circumstances: I was called a week before classes were supposed to start, none of the inner city kids knew about seminary, and we didn't have a space in which to meet and teach.
A little more about our ward here: it is different from the average Latter-Day Saint experiences I've had in Utah and North Carolina. Many members are immigrants from Africa, a few from Persia, and the teenagers represent the first or second generation of those immigrants born here in America. Sacrament meeting is a whirl of color--bright Afrikaan dresses and traditional garb light up the brown pews and beige walls. The ladies wrap  and tie tall, boldly-neon scarves around their heads. Every third row or so, you can see a blond girl in a pastel skirt with a cream-colored blouse, corralling a couple toddlers, invariably a transplant from Utah who followed her husband to Philly for school or work (this is the category I technically fall under). 

Fast and testimony meeting is a delight. During any occasional pause between testimonies, a member of the congregation will burst out in a spontaneous, spiritual song. He'll sing it loud and slow, with conviction, until he has shared his message and his a capella reverberates in the air. If there aren't any pauses, you'll still get to hear the sung testimonies over the pulpit. They'll stand, deliver a beautiful verse from the heart, and then share a few words. I'm getting better at catching the gist of what's  being said in meetings; it's a toss-up between born-and-raised-in-the-hood Philly kids and everybody else speaking what I think is Creole/Broken English. My ignorance reminds me of being a missionary in Korea, and I know from experience that as time goes by, I'll learn more about these other cultures and be able to participate more. Really, our ward is charming and unique.
Anyway, Sunday they called me and set me apart. Another sister was also set apart; we'll be team-teaching to help lessen the time commitment. Thursday, they had found a space to rent close to the majority of the youth's homes (ahem, smack dab in the middle of what some might consider a bit of a sketchy neighborhood). The following Sunday, day before classes, we went with the Bishopric to 14 houses and invited the kids to come the following morning.
Monday morning I showed up bright and early. The alternate teacher came, as well, with her daughter Sarah. Another mother showed up with her twin 14-year-old girls. And then! The only boy from the students we had visited, Hansen strolled in ten minutes late. I was overjoyed! The day before, he had opened the door with no shirt on.
"Hi, is Hansen home?" I asked.
Choking on a giggle, he said, "No."
The first counselor in the bishopric said, "Come on, Hansen, give her a break."
"So, you're Hansen, huh? I'm Jessica," I said and shook his hand (what 15 year old doesn't love a strange girl from church shaking their hand ?).
I got the sense that he could be a great leader in the church; he's very sincere, and sweet. But, he's also very focused on fitting in and being cool.
Day 1 was great. I was impressed with their creativity during the icebreaker activity. I gave each of them a sheet of paper and asked them to make something out of it that represented an aspect of their interests or personality. Everyone* made something insightful and I was surprised with the insight it gave to their interests. 

*Hansen didn't touch his paper, he just told us he liked football. But he did participate during all the other activities! I was just so happy he came!!
I sent them all off after committing them to reading the Book of Mormon daily. I had high hopes that they'd start bringing friends and soon we'd have a whole classroom of kids eager to learn the joy of the Gospel.
Stay tuned...tomorrow I'll let you know how the rest of the week went. Some disappointments, but also some very sweet, tender experiences.

Conference is coming!

"Our Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail but to succeed gloriously....[S]eek through prayer and divine inspiration to know what to do. Our obedience assures that when required, we can qualify for divine power to accomplish an inspired objective." --Elder Richard G. Scott

That quote comes from an address given during last April's General Conference. I love the truth that God wants me to succeed GLORIOUSLY--in fact, that is the very reason He gave me this life. And furthermore, He offers guidance and inspiration to know how I can be successful.

These words really speak peace to my heart. They teach me things:

1. God created me with a specific purpose. The Spirit can teach me about what I am to become as I pray, study the scriptures, and also when I fast.
2. My purpose is mine. God knows the thoughts and intents of my heart, as well as what I am capable of, what I am accountable for, what He sent me to accomplish. Through the Spirit, I can know for myself about all of those things--I don't have to trust someone else to get inspiration in my behalf, I can feel confirmation and peace in my very own heart.
3. My purpose is divine. Through the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I can be divinely assisted in accomplishing it. Nothing is impossible. What is needed is enough assurance and faith in your objective to persevere despite all obstacles. The powers of Heaven will assist me in any path I embark upon that the Spirit prompted me to begin and confirmed was correct.
4. The commandments allow me to know that I am eligible for all of that inspiration and divine assistance. I don't have to wonder or worry that I'm not thinking along the same lines as Heavenly Father or that my desires are misplaced; following the commandments is an easy way to ensure that I am accompanied by the Holy Ghost, that I can trust myself, and that I will feel it when I make a step in the wrong direction.

TAKE AWAY: Okay, real talk now. I've known all of those amazing, wonderful things for a long time. However, I sometimes find myself seeking advice from friends, parents, grandparents, articles on the internet, bah! Talking with people you trust can be sooo helpful when you're trying to make big decisions, but the most important person to turn to is God. He knows what the answer is for YOU, specifically tailored to where He wants you to be in life. And in order to get an answer from God, you have to trust YOU.

This is a weakness of mine at times. I don't like missing opportunities, so it is hard for me to be decisive when I come to forks in the road. I usually can sense which direction I want to go, but because I'm wishing I could do both, my friends and family can really make me see why one path is better than another. And while grateful for their help and interest, it is best to turn to prayer, and study, and fasting and ask the person who really knows. And then in my own heart, I will feel and know and have confidence in the path I choose.

Personal revelation is real. General Conference is coming up {this weekend!!} This week, I'm preparing to listen so that I will be able to truly hear. I'm trying to sacrifice a little more time devoted to thinking about eternal principals. I'm trying to pray more sincerely and be more specific about the guidance I could use right now (as opposed to those general pleas for help to just "figure out that work thing and that relationship and that bad habit I have). I know that God will answer my preparation through the words of His prophets. I know that the words we receive this weekend will contain directions and comfort meant for me. And for you, too.

p.s. I am so incredibly, absolutely excited for this weekend of General Conference. Two whole days of soaking up time with friends, listening to wonderful talks, eating delicious foods, talking about what we're learning--it is one of my favorite times of the year. Agh, I can't wait!!

St. Mary's Abbey

Just to the West of York, the ruins of St. Mary's Abbey rest in the Yorkshire Museum gardens. At one point in history, St. Mary's was the wealthiest and most powerful abbey in Northern England. 

The North and West walls are still mostly intact, and are beautiful. 

The night I visited, York High School was having its prom; all of the students were wandering through the gardens taking pictures in front of the arches. 

Here's the story with all the abbey ruins I visited: in the 1500s, Henry VIII shut down all the monasteries. Besides the horrible stories regarding his many wives, the Boleyn sisters, the beheading and the divorces, what I knew about Henry VIII was that he was responsible for the separation of the Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church. What I didn't realize was that as part of that change, he was authorized to command the Dissolution of the Monastaries. Abbeys and friaries across England and Ireland were forced to   close; in most cases, the empty buildings and grounds were gutted by thieves and destroyed by mobs. 

Something cool about St. Mary's Abbey: it was featured heavily in the early medieval ballads about Robin Hood. 

Part of the Abbey included a hospital, the remains of which have a somewhat eerie atmosphere. Hospitals back then, though, were not just places to heal illnesses. People who needed mental or spiritual rest could stay there for weeks or months to restore their holistic well-being. 

The hospital had two floors and lots of rooms. 

The courtyard connected to some other buildings...I can't remember what they were used for. 

Near the hospital, is the Multangular Tower. It is the most intact structure remaining from the Roman walls in the city. It was one of seven similar towers built to defend a Roman fort formed by the city walls. 

The gardens, scattered with ruins, run right up to peoples' homes. 

The gardens themselves were very pretty, too. If I had more time, I would have liked to have a picnic there. 

Traveling to York

I have a fantastic job; I get to act silly with kids in order to inspire them to set goals and be champions. And I get to do this all over the world. My company sent me on a tour to York, UK for two weeks and it was great! Getting there took a little longer than anticipated. A delayed flight caused me to miss a connecting flight and I ended up spending the first day of work at a hotel in Chicago. I had some good books to read, so it was alright.  

Once I arrived in Heathrow, I took a small, final flight to the Manchester airport. The British Airline was so accommodating; they brought me a warmed baguette with sausage and tomato chutney, a welcome comfort-snack after too many hours of traveling!

Although a bit tired, I arrived in Manchester just fine. My bags, however, did not. My two 70 lb. bags were still back in London. With all of my show materials.

So, with a little improvisation and a quick hand, I drew a NED and made some rough substitutes for the next day: 

Even without a mic and all the bells and whistles, it was a great first show in the UK. The kids were so charming!

I only had to do one show with the makeshift stuff; a colleague came to my rescue that afternoon and lent me all of his gear (he didn't have a show at that time). And my bags arrived at the hotel that evening.

The rest of the trip was successful as far as work goes. I loved having kids tell me my American accent was cool, and loved it even more when they showed me they could talk in an American accent, too. 

Driving from school to school, I had the chance to see the beautiful, rural countryside of Yorkshire, from Grantham to Sheffield and Doncaster, up through Hull, out to Grimsby and even Bridlington and Driffield. 

I'm so grateful for this amazing opportunity! I can't wait to show you some of the places I visited. But first, I just want you to know how truly blessed and happy I feel to be experiencing these kinds of adventures! Heavenly Father has blessed me with a job I love that takes me to places I've had on my bucket list since I was a kid. He truly knows each of us personally, and will pour more blessings upon us than we can receive when we strive to follow His will. Even (rather, especially) when we fall short, His generosity and mercy abounds. My overarching thought throughout my time in the UK was of the love God has for each of us, the beautiful places He has created, and the thousands of years of history people have lived and loved under His watch. 

"Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen."

~Alma 26:37

Home is where....

After a quick tour in Winnipeg, I got to spend two whole weeks in Utah, where most of my kinfolk reside. Kristen surprised me with a sidewalk-chalk greeting--that's just one reason why I love that girl, she's always got sidewalk chalk in her purse. Why wouldn't she have sidewalk chalk in her purse?!

Our adventures included midnight cookie-baking sleepovers, Sunday morning at The Music and the Spoken Word, plenty of brunches, lunches, and shopping with mutual friends who were in town for rehearsal of the Nauvoo Pageant (Kris has been involved with them for years; the most wonderful people you will ever meet!) I also had the wonderful chance to see the Nauvoo cast perform their fireside sociable, Our Story Goes On. I cry everytime I see it--rich, lovely music and tender stories about love and life. Seeing my friends from school do such fantastic jobs warmed my heart. If you're in the Nauvoo area, do not miss it!!

The Best of You

This year I set out to become the best version of myself. It's May, folks, and it's taken me this long to really come up with some definitive answers to questions that have been crawling under my skin:
*What do I want to change about myself?
*How can I replace unhealthy habits with self-validation and self-faith (a term I've created to help answer the question...)?
*What do I need to do to close the gap between where I am and where I want to be?
*What assumptions about myself should I challenge in order to accomplish my dreams?
*Do I really believe in myself?
*Am I living according to what I believe, or do I believe things I know aren't true?
*Where the heck do I want to be in 5 years?
*What makes me happiest?
*How can I fulfill my greatest purposes and potential?
*What is my true passion?
*If I knew I could not fail, what would I pursue?
*Is it worth giving up mediocrity in order to be the greatest you can be?

It's been many pre-dawn drives through various parts of the country and evenings spent reading in hotel lobbies that provided ample opportunity to ponder, study and meditate. I've come up with specific goals, actions, and even had some try-and-fail-and-learn experiences. I've read a lot more memoirs and non-fiction than usual. I'm studying the scriptures and praying more sincerely.

I'm definitely happier....and I have a much clearer picture of who I am, who I want to be, what I can do, what I will do...I know myself better than ever.

Before I lose you with all this me, me, me talk, let's lay down the validity of knowing thine own self, and how I got started on this journey.

With this new amazing job, came lots of travel and lots of adventure and...lots of quiet, alone time. And more time than I was used to having available for fun, rest, people, reading, sleeping, exercising.
Whereas most people tell me, frequently, that they would just kill for more time to do all the things they want to do...I was distraught by the emptiness of my calendar. Despite the fulfilling and life-changing job I have.

It was a big wake-up call to me. I used a hectic, over-the-top schedule as a means of validation. I loved telling people how busy I was, it made me feel important because I was doing more and better than everyone else. I loved when people asked me, "How do you do it all??"

It's hard for me to accept that I can accomplish meaningful, important work and still have time to indulge in other worthwhile activities, like exercising, without being crazy-stressed out.

Plus, due to the traveling and moving to a new state all by myself, I felt my habitual solitude in a new acute way without a busy, demanding to-do list to distract myself.
Painful truth to accept: I was hiding behind accomplishments and schedules because I felt inferior, timid and out of place in social situations.

Okay, so I had some work to do on me.  And luckily, I had plenty of me-time on hand.

As an incredibly self-critical person, there have been some rough moments and some uncalled-for self-dislike. But I've also had delightful, even blissful, times when I was just so happy with who I was and thankful to be me.

During one night, after analyzing yet another vice I wanted to kick to the curb, my dad called me and we talked about facing your demons. I explained that I was attempting to replace my obsession with a past relationship with a healthier, future-based perspective. "I have a lot of time to spend with myself, which gets lonely sometimes, but it is helping me to truly be the person I want to be instead of numbing my life with television, boy-drama, and work," I told him.

He said, "That is good, Daughter. Most people don't spend time a lot of time with themselves. It's brave to do that."

He made me feel pretty good about the whole me, me, me thing.

Anyway. Like I said, I've defined specific areas I want to focus on to increase my ability to live a life of integrity, passion, and happiness. I want to stop making excuses and dare to actually be the best version of myself.

So, of course, it's time to blog about the next portion of the journey. I'll be posting about how I'm tackling this task.

And on that note, I will close with these words of President Gordon B. Hinckley:

"The sky is the limit. You can be excellent in every way. You can be first class. There is no need for you to be a scrub. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself...Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for its opportunities, and forever and always be loyal to the church. Never forget that you came to earth as a child of the divine Father, with something of divinity in your very makeup. The Lord did not send you here to fail. He did not give you life to waste it. He bestowed upon you the gift of mortality that you might gain experience--positive, wonderful, purposeful experience--that will lead to life eternal...You are a daughter of God with tremendous potential. He has great expectations concerning you, as do others. You cannot let down for a minute. You cannot give in to an impulse. There must be discipline, strong and unbending. Flee from temptation, as Joseph fled from the wiles of Potiphar's wife. There is nothing in all this world as magnificent as virtue. It glows without tarnish. It is precious and beautiful. It is above price. It cannot be bought or sold. It is the fruit of self-mastery...Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly. Observe this commandment with diligence and discipline. Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God...Find purpose in your life. Choose the things you would like to do, and educate yourself to be effective in their pursuit...Study your options. Pray to the Lord earnestly for direction. Then pursue your course with resolution...There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set your mind to it. Serve society and make a significant contribution to the world...There will be difficulties to overcome. BUt they will not last forever. He will not forsake you. Do not be discouraged; God is over all...Know that He is watching over you, that He hears your prayers and will answer them, that He loves you and will make that love manifest. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in all that you do as you look to become the kind of woman of whom you dream. You can do it. You are a daughter of the Almighty. Limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future, if you will take control of it. Do not let your life drift in a fruitless and worthless manner. Be Grateful. Be Smart. Be Clean. Be True. Be Humble. Be Prayerful. These patterns of behavior will yield success and happiness and peace...Pattern your life accordingly."

Got service?

I've heard that if you're discontent with life, you should lose yourself in service to someone else. Serving brings real happiness and purpose.
I must really need this reminder, because everywhere I go people are talking about service. And it is true: I feel alive and happy when I'm wrapped up in a meaningful project for someone besides myself.
As part of a young singles' conference, a speaker showed us this video. It's silly and of humble quality, but the message has been with me this weekend.

Get Service from speaking on GodTube.

Who can I help? Who can I call just to chat and make sure they're doing well? Who could use a smile at the store? I'm focusing on thinking about where other people are coming from this week. With a little more patience and understanding, I'm hoping I'll be able to see opportunities to serve.

Live the Questions Now

An excerpt from the book I'm currently reading:

"Two years ago Ashley's live-in boyfriend abruptly moved out with little explanation. I remember her standing in our kitchen crying, going through her old text messages from him about how much he loved her, how he couldn't wait to marry her and have kids. She kept reading them, like little relics of a past life, and she didn't understand how she had crossed over into a new world of singleness. It was like she was arguing with the person who works at the ticket counter at the airport. 'No! I was scheduled for a wedding and pregnancy, but you've rerouted me to twenty-six and single!' And we all expect that some person behind a counter will just type a few buttons into their computer and hand us a new ticket. 'We're so sorry, ma'am.' And poof, we're back on track. But life can be so freaking absolute. It takes us a while to get that we will never be rerouted."~ Signs of Life, by Natalie Taylor

I like to be in charge. When I was little and my friends came over to play, I told them not only what we were going to play, but also exactly how we would play: what they would say, how they would say it, and where they would stand when they said it. I directed and delegated. I had a plan and I wanted things to go the way I saw would be best.

I also had a plan for life: high school, college, mission, boyfriend, career, marriage, family.

But somewhere in the unfolding of this plan, I felt as though I fell behind. That I had missed my boat and would never catch up. I couldn't sing as well as the girls who had been taking lessons since middle school. I didn't intern at a law firm between semesters. I didn't date lots of boys in college and the one boy I dated, I didn't marry. I haven't published any novels, recorded any albums, or become the first female president, yet.  

In the midst of an overwhelming feeling of I'm not cutting it as a human being, I will never amount to anything, my dad called and gave me a big wake up call (a.k.a. knocked some sense into me).

Here I am in the middle of an adventure: I'm performing, I'm inspiring kids, I'm seeing the world. And all I can think about are these imagined missed opportunities. "Acknowledge your accomplishments and be grateful for what the Lord has blessed you with," Dad said.

Oh, yeah... I tend to forget that I worked HARD to be accepted in a competitive program in school and then graduated earlier than expected. That I moved to a foreign country to serve a mission and while I was there I learned an entirely new language. That I support myself without any help by doing a job that I love. That I have health insurance! That I've been a true friend. That my life isn't even half-way finished and I still have plenty of time to climb as many mountains as I want. But I have got to stop and enjoy the views from the mountains I've already climbed.

So...this might mean that while I am planning and working hard and making choices, I'm not actually the one in charge. God has a plan for me. And part of trusting in His plan is believing that I'm following the path He has set before me. That includes being grateful for the present, acknowledging that He has answered my prayers, and having peace about the future.

This might mean that my life doesn't need to be rerouted. I may be RIGHT on track. In fact, I think I am. That's what faith is all about. Believing that God has led you to this moment, because you have loved Him and tried to follow Him. Because He loves you and has plans for you and knows what you need and what you will become. Heavenly Father is the guy behind the ticket counter, and He doesn't make mistakes. And because of the Savior, none of my mistakes can permanently derail me. The magic of it all is that somehow, Heavenly Father knew this would be my path and He's accounted for any rerouting I would be doing, so that actually it was all a part of the necessary route to begin with.

Are you following me here?

Bottom line: Faith means believing that you are living the best you can and that God wants you to be right where He has placed you. Cue: gratitude and contentment.

What to do when you realize your past has brought you to exactly where you need to be? When you understand that this moment is full of opportunity? How do you express gratitude and trust that the future holds even further fulfillment of your deepest desires?

For me, I took a little road trip on my days off this week.

I tried to live in the moment. I spoke to strangers. One of them bought me a sub sandwich  and said, "Welcome to Virginia, Miss Utah!" I closed my eyes and soaked up the sun. I walked into shops and took my time browsing.

And I stopped and took pictures of interesting things.

An adorable ancient man with shaky hands took this picture with my cell phone.

I held his hand in mine and looked him in the eyes and said, "Thank you."

Don't be so anxious about where you're going to end up that you don't notice where you are right now.

Enjoy every moment of this journey.

"...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now." ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Abundance: how to get it

President Thomas S. Monson admonished us, "At the advent of a new year, I challenge [you] to undertake a personal, diligent, significant QUEST for an abundant life, a life filled with an abundance of success, goodness, and blessings."
Read his talk about how to obtain an abundant life here.

1. Have a positive attitude.
For me, in order to have a positive attitude I must focus on expressing sincere gratitude and I try to remember that I can be influencing the attitudes of other people around me. I can be a merry sunshine, if I try to spread that joyful, radiant, life-is-just-so-good feeling.
President Monson quoted Charles Swindoll. I like that Swindoll says our attitude is more important than the PAST, than money and failures and successes and what other people say or think or do.
What has happened in life is hardly important compared to how we choose to regard the present day we have been blessed with.

My attitude determines whether my endeavors will be realized or not. I can achieve nothing if I don't believe in myself. And how can I believe in myself if I'm not filled with optimism and graciousness?

2. Believe in Yourself

"He does not believe that does not live according to his belief." ~Thomas Fuller

I've long believed that without faith in yourself, without real conviction of your purpose and your ability, you cannot actually accomplish your desires.

I also believe that if you can truly trust and have faith in your goal--which means the Holy Ghost has confirmed its goodness and worth to you, and your ability to achieve it--then Providence will assist you in achieving any good thing. You can literally do and be any{amazing}thing!

I'm so happy to have a direct quote from the Prophet of God on the topic; here it is:

"Don't limit yourself and don't let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith." ~President Thomas S. Monson

3. Face challenges with Courage

President Monson said it takes courage to determine to live decently. The word decently struck me.

Determine to live decently. To speak decently. To eat decently. To think, ponder, and meditate decently. To do every act in a decent manner. This inspires me to have honor and integrity as I pursue my goals. I like that he recognizes this takes courage.

I don't remember where I read this, but in an article about success the author advised, "Your goal should be a bit embarrassing when you tell people about it. It should be something others could scoff at, because of your boldness in attempting something so impossible. It will mean that the dream is important to you, and that it is truly what you want."

That takes courage.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide on, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them."

Basically, if you really believe in yourself and this coveted goal you've decided to pursue, you must have the courage to be determined. Even though everyone will think you're crazy. Even though you'll be tempted to question yourself and your qualifications. Even though it takes a long time to come about. Even though it takes hard work and you're tired and sometimes lonely.

David beat GOLIATH. You can do anything. Be brave.

"Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required," President Monson said.